Client Story: “The pace should be faster.”
I’m noticing a lot of people changing direction right now…
…reconsidering their role or positioning,
…where they live,
…their goals and vision for their life (and how they want to get there).
Myself included.
I can empathize with the emotions this change of direction brings up.
The disorientation and uncertainty,
the pressure and comparison,
the questioning and circling,
the longing for stability.
Sometimes you wonder if a past version of you made the “wrong” choice.
I can empathize with these feelings because I feel them too. And I feel them deeply (as I feel most things…).
But let me be clear:
Changing direction is not a failure. You did nothing “wrong.” It’s the natural evolution of things. It’s the uncomfortable shedding of an old identity, structure, or belief system to make space for something new.
I need to be reminded of this outlook from time to time (shout out to and gratitude for the coaches in my life), but deep down I know it to be true.
…
In a synchronistic way, I stumbled upon a podcast that described the difference between finite and infinite games. In case you’re unfamiliar with this distinction from philosopher James P. Carse, allow me to offer an overview:
In a finite game, you play to win. The rules are fixed to determine a clear outcome, a winner and a loser. In finite games, things like money, titles, status, and power are key. Players prepare through specialized training in order to manage known variables and skew the outcome in their favor.
The purpose of an infinite game, on the other hand, is to keep playing and to welcome as many players as possible to the game. Things are fluid and ongoing. Rules shift dynamically to prevent the game from ending. Infinite games prioritize continuity, growth, resilience. Players welcome the unexpected and adapt to future possibilities. There is an inherent mystery in an infinite game, a compelling invitation to see where it’s all leading.
Although we didn’t have words for it at the time, this distinction between infinite and finite games came up in a coaching conversation earlier this year.
This particular client, Will Daniels, has given me permission to share his story.
…
From our earliest conversations, I could sense Will had an urgency in him. A restlessness, even dissatisfaction, between where he was and where he thought he should be.
In one session, this urgency came to the forefront.
After a series of questions, we came upon this thought: “The pace should be faster.”
With his permission, Will and I took this thought to The Work of Byron Katie, asking:
Is it true that “the pace should be faster”? Y/N
Can you absolutely know that this thought is true? Y/N
What happens when you believe this thought?
Who would you be without this thought?
For Will, believing that the pace should be faster was like trying to move forward in the wrong gear. He was constantly spinning his wheels. Functions weren’t aligning as he compared himself to others and to his perceived future. All of this kept him from being present, increasing anxiety along the way.
Alternatively, when he imagined a life without this thought, he described a life that felt more balanced, present, aligned, and authentic.
I then asked Will to come up with the opposite of the thought, “The pace should be faster.”
He replied, “The pace is what it needs to be.”
In that moment, Will shifted from a finite to an infinite game.
The rules changed, allowing him to identify a new, paradoxical mantra: Presently Growing.
With this mantra in mind, he found continuity and resilience. He decided to approach each day with the question, “What gear do I need to be in today?”
After all, growth and learning are, by nature, infinite games.
…
Here’s how Will described his coaching experience overall:
“Sarah has been instrumental in helping me grow into a greater version of myself as a person and as a business owner. I’m more confident, more intentional, and more connected to my unique strengths than ever before. Her coaching helped me replace comparison with clarity & presence, and build toward a bigger vision with conviction. Our time was unlike any coaching experience I've had before!”
